How Childhood Abandonment Shaped Me As a Woman

To be quite honest, most of my childhood is a blur. From my deeper understanding and healing, I now know that it was a coping mechanism that I developed. I spent most of my young adult life reliving the traumas of my childhood without even recognizing what I was doing.

During my healing, I was hit pretty hard with the realization that my pain was deeply connected to abandonment and lack of love as a youngin’. I first want to state, this story is not to evoke feelings of sorrow or empathy, but instead to share with you the journey through abandonment pain to deep self-love (with the intention that anyone feeling this struggle will also see that there is a way through).

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I have one pretty distinct memory waiting at the window for my Dad to come and pick me up from the sitter. In a puddle of tears, he never showed.

When I was 8 months old my parent separated. This also entailed the separation of my brother and I (he was 3 at the time). We were on an every other week visitation basis. I have one pretty distinct memory waiting at the window for my Dad to come and pick me up from the sitter. In a puddle of tears, he never showed. Apparently, this was a recurring thing...I blocked out most of it though. My Dad struggled with alcohol and was honestly just a child himself (I've since forgiven him btw).

When I was roughly 6 years old my Mom moved us to Florida. Being in her 20’s, she was basically still a kid herself too. She had her own personal struggles with abandonment and the lack of love she received as a child was evident in my upbringing (I've since forgiven her and have a wonderful relationship with her now...thank you, healing).

I would visit my Dad and my brother during the summer or winter break (sometimes both). The visitation was pretty stressful for me. I was that 6-year-old kid alone on the plane, crying into her teddy bear, and being consoled by a random stranger. I had no idea at the time, but this would profoundly shape me as a person and a woman.

My Dad was very absent and I quickly learned that men were unpredictable (due to his alcoholism) and emotionally unavailable (insert limiting belief into subconscious mind here).

I developed a deep distrust of people in general. I pretty consistently questioned my safety and worth, seeing the world around me as some sort of personal attack.

When I was in pain, I remember holding my breath. It was the only thing I could control.

As I entered youth, I looked for love in any boy or man (mostly 10 years older than me) I could find. I was so hungry to be validated and reassured that I compromised everything sacred in me.

This pattern only added more salt to the wound. They would always leave or I would leave (for another man)…validating that I would always be abandoned because I wasn’t deserving of love. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy. No one was making it over the 12-foot walls I built around my heart.

I ran away from every little bit of intimacy for fear of being hurt. All the while craving connection and deep love so much.

I met a man at 23 who I ended up marrying. We dated for a month, got engaged, and married 11 months later. He seemed promising. Made good money, smart, funny…everything you’re supposed to want, right?

I met a man at 23 who I ended up marrying. We dated for a month, got engaged, and married 11 months later.
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Wrong. He also struggled with alcoholism and real intimacy (now that I understand the Law of Attraction, this makes perfect sense). I pretty quickly realized that I was reliving my childhood, in yet another emotionally unavailable man. After my divorce, I was shattered, ashamed, and begging for hope.

The hope came…but not in the package I was wishing for.

I got into another relationship, this time with an abusive alcoholic. He rocked me to the core and was the final straw for my heart.

Looking back on this situation, I honestly can’t believe I am where I am today. There were days, weeks, months where I thought I couldn’t go on. I hated myself. I was so ashamed of the things that happened. That I ALLOWED to happen. All I saw was darkness surrounded by more darkness. I guess you can say it was the dark night of the soul for me.

Then it happened. One day I decided there had to be a way to heal this pain. I spent hours Googling, YouTubing, reading, meditating, crying, doing the inner-child work, getting to the core of the pain and feeling it. Really feeling it.

I grieved my childhood. I grieved the pain of not having what every little girl deserves. Love.

I decided to deeply understand. To forgive. To heal. And to learn what it meant to love myself.

I can now say that I’m truly grateful for the story I lived because it made me the woman I am. I have a solid understanding of WHY my soul needed that struggle. I could not be the coach I am today if I didn’t have the experiences I have had. I would never have acquired the power tools for healing if I didn’t go through the darkness.

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I can now say that I’m truly grateful for the story I lived because it made me the woman I am. I have a solid understanding of WHY my soul needed that struggle.

If anything, I am proof that there can be so much beauty in pain. If you're willing to do the work...

Can you relate to my story? Leave me a comment or tag me on Instagram @lifebylindsayrose so I know that this resonates with you.

Sending you massive love + light,

Lindsay

Eating for your Chakras: Energy Elevation

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I remember when I first started learning about Quantum Healing and Energy as a whole, it was so mind-blowing to me. Like, how the hell did I not know this?! It truly changed my life when I realized that we are just energy and that we had the power within our reach to make significant changes in our lives. But how? 

There are many steps we can take to align our bodies and minds to reach our highest potential but today I want to focus on eating for your Chakras to elevate your energy. We'll discuss what Chakra's are and how to eat so that we're in alignment with our energy centers. When we're in alignment we have clarity, creativity, impeccable health, personal power and pure joy. 

What are Chakras?

Chakras are energy centers in our body by which energy flows. Visually, they are similar to that of spinning wheels that generate energy or prana. Most people believe that there are 7 energy centers but there are actually 114 different Chakras. I'll discuss the main 7 Chakras below and how to eat in order to balance them.

 

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Root Chakra

Location: Base of the spine.

Color: Red

When balanced: Represents our foundation and feelings of security and grounding.

Signs there's an imbalance: Joint pain or tightness (especially in the hips or knees); carrying weight in the hips or thighs; lower back pain; swollen feet; feelings of insecurity, not being safe, and unmet basic needs. Having a difficult time staying in one place, situation, or relationship for any long period of time.

Balancing foods: Bright red foods from the earth, including red apples, beets, tomatoes, pomegranates, strawberries, and raspberries. Foods with roots such as sweet potatoes, carrots, turnips, beets, garlic, parsnips, onions, rutabaga, ginger, and turmeric. 

Affirmations: I am rooted. I am grounded. I am safe. I am secure.

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Sacral Chakra

Location: Lower abdomen, about two inches below the navel and two inches in.

Color: Orange

When balanced: Healthy relationships and sense of self; feelings of pleasure and joy; the balance of internal and external environment; harmony, lack of addictions; balanced, healthy hormones and reproductive system; creatively alive. Allowing in abundance.

Signs there's an imbalance: Addictions, overemphasis on sex and self-pleasure, perfectionism, hormone imbalance and infertility issues, fighting the natural aging process, lack of self-acceptance, intense focus on the external world, lack of creativity. 

Balancing foods: Balance your sacral chakra with all things orange like cumin, turmeric, ginger, carrots, peppers, squashes, oranges, mangos, sweet potatoes, and tangerines. 

Affirmations: I am healthy. I am creative. I am abundant. I am calm.

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Solar Plexus

Location: Upper abdomen in the stomach area.

Color: Yellow

When balanced: Feelings of worthiness, warmth, and comfort; capable of setting and keeping boundaries; a healthy digestive tract; restful sleep; balanced cortisol and insulin levels; strong intuition and trust in yourself. Capable of true intimacy.

Signs there's an imbalance: Feeling worthless and powerless; being taken advantage of - time, personal space, and divine gifts; unhealthy digestive and sleep patterns; feeling stressed, adrenal fatigue; poor listening, acidic body. Unable to make and maintain eye contact.

Balancing foods: Foods that facilitate digestion, such as kefir, yogurt, oat bran, and cinnamon, as well as lemon, yellow vegetables, and healthy fats and oils. Light-green vegetables with a high water base (celery and cucumber), melons, banana, applesauce, aloe juice, avocado, fennel, and mint. Soothing chamomile and herbal teas help too.

Affirmations: I am worthy. I am strong. I am powerful. I am confident.

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Heart Chakra

Location: Center of chest just above the heart.

Color: Green

When balanced: Ability to love and be loved. Open. Calm. Able to connect with others on a heart level. Ability to forgive and let go. 

Signs there's an imbalance: Closed heart, feelings of isolation, physical heart or circulation issues. Rounded shoulders and fear-induced body responses. Panic. Tension in the chest. Shortness of breath.

Balancing foods: Vibrant green nutrient-rich vegetables, cruciferous vegetables, green water-based alkalizing fruits and vegetables - limes, green apples, zucchinis, and celery. Raw nuts, avocados, green beans, lima beans, mung beans, leafy vegetables, and water. Eliminate all dairy.

Affirmations:  I am love. I am joy. I am compassionate. I am open.

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Throat Chakra

Location: In your throat.

Color: Blue

When balanced: Normal and healthy thyroid, clearly able to speak your truth and to speak very clearly. 

Signs there's an imbalance: Glandular or thyroid dysfunction, hormonal imbalances, inability to speak up and/or speaking the truth.

Balancing foods: Blue foods like blueberries and blackberries help to balance this Chakra. Also, think healing and soothing foods and liquids like coconut water, herbal teas, raw honey, and lemon.

Affirmations: I am letting go. I am balanced. I am truthful. I am liberated.

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Third Eye Chakra

Location: On the forehead, between the eyes.

Color: Indigo

When balanced: The ability to connect with and receive information that comes from inside or outside of us; feeling one with the Universe and other people. Increased synchronicity, psychic ability, and premonitions.

Signs there's an imbalance: Using intuition for personal benefit to the detriment of others, tension headaches, a false sense of grandiosity.

Balancing foods: Walnuts, purple fruits, such as goji berries and acai, blueberries and plums. Purple vegetables such as eggplant, purple kale, purple onions and purple cabbage.

Affirmations: I am guided. I am centered. I am clear. I am intuitive.

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Crown Chakra

Location: The very top of the head.

Color: White

When balanced: A vibrant physical body with a sort of glow. Having calm, centered thoughts and heart rate. Feeling fully supported with a keen sense of ability to tap into a higher intelligence and to more easily manifest those things we need in life.

Signs there's an imbalance: Feeling out of it or spacy, having migraines, numbing, stiff joints, feelings of loneliness and being unsupported in the world.

Balancing foods: To balance the Crown Chakra, tend to focus more on detoxing and fasting more than food. Detoxing flushes toxins from our bodies and clears our minds. Meditation can be used as a great tool to balance this Chakra as well. Try incorporating some essential oils such as sage, lavender, frankincense, and juniper as well.

Affirmations: I am present. I am here. I am connected. I am being.